Life Update: Chaos and the Coming Days

Hey Bookworms! I needed to write something and I didn’t know what to write in this fog of sadness and pain. This isn’t just going to be about books, but about my LDR, the weather, a few points about my cerebral palsy, COVID-19, but yes I will talk about books. Let’s get started!

Chaos and the Coming Days

LDR

So first off let me start off by saying today is hard. It was supposed to be my first day with my boyfriend. I work hospitality, so when at work I receive all the updates about what we’re canceling, borders that are closing, and travel bans. When we got the notification that cancellations were happening at least until the 14th of April (it is my weekend, so I haven’t seen any newer updates since Sunday).

I knew on Saturday, I would have to change my ticket. It hurt like hell to do because at this point I haven’t seen him in 4 months.  I was supposed to leave in 2 days at that point to spend, 6 nights, and 5 days together. The most time we have spent together in a while. Not to mention this is the first time in 2 years, we have spent a birthday a part, this is what hurts the worst.

While I have a new flight booked for May with a new flexible change policy, just in case. (I am so grateful for Westjet being so helpful and understanding). I am praying this all calms down by then. My family and friends are all saying at least you are both healthy and safe, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t crack our hearts open.

I am trying to remain patient and hopeful as this is what all LDR’s are built off of. I am sending my positive thoughts out to others separated by these closures. I am trying to find comfort and not jealousy of the couples that are currently together even when it’s hard, as this is what we have to look forward to.

The Weather, Cerebral Palsy, and COVID-19

This is probably one of the few times you’ll hear me talking about my CP because although it a part of me, I try to not let it define me. I also don’t want people to assume my experience with CP is the same as another person with  CP.  Like most disabilities and disorders it is on a spectrum and has different types (which is what I hope anybody who writes about this disability includes this notes because it can set false expectations and be harmful to those who are uneducated).

While COVID-19 is affecting a lot of people with different immune deficiencies, disabilities, disorders, the young, and people over 50.  Some people with Cerebral Palsy do have weakened immune systems, thankfully, I have not been one of those people. I have only been sick at least once a year in my life if that (not including allergies), and some of those were self inflicted by being a stubborn child by and not eating when I was supposed to, often times for a full day, or weather changing rapidly.

With this extended winter we’ve been facing (the groundhog lied…), my body has been paying the price. I have been aching and swelling for weeks as the weather is on the roller coaster it is and possibly having another disability that may tie into this pain (which I can’t get checked until Fall again). I am more afraid of how my body pain is affecting me more this year than it has before than I am of a virus, because I know my body can fight it. I know I am practicing the right things, and I am trying to remain calm, because stress and anxiety can weaken the immune system.

Work

I don’t tend to talk much about work on here. Thankfully I still have work, and I am trying to stay calm and positive again. Putting money in savings and trying to be diligent. I am sending all good thoughts for those of you who can’t go to work and I am hoping my work stays consistent.

Days I am Home

On my days I have off which is a 3 day weekend this weekend because I didn’t feel it was fair to go into work on my birthday this year due to everything that went on last week. I am spending my 28th on March 18th at home, with my family, cake, books, and a movie binge. I know a lot of us are worried with the actual libraries shut down, but there is still Overdrive and Libby if you have WiFi or data access to download when you don’t have access to either.

We have each other, this blogging community, our words to reach each other even when these borders are shut down.

Want to work out, look up exercises to do at home, when I am not in pain I try to move as much as possible.

Board games, so you can keep your mind going, video games, movies and books that will make you think.

Sing, get lost in music, dance, write a poem, if your mind starts to wander in the wrong way redirect it or at least distract it.

Create don’t let your mind focus on the panic as that’s when we become our worst selves. Most importantly be kind, try not to panic buy, to help others who need the resources. This is something I stick buy as I can’t always get out due to my current state.

We are all stronger that the remenants that 2019 is holding over us. I refuse to blame 2020 for this as this started last year hence the name. 2020 is trying to teach us to be strong, calm, patient, and kind. Don’t let 2019’s left overs turn is into scared sheep.

I am going to try and practice all these suggestions, and I hope you all do too. I hope this rant stayed somewhat coherent. Happy Reading Bookworms, stay calm healthy, and safe!

 

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Book Talk: Reading Books We Hate

Hey bookworms! I have finished a few books this week, and not all of them were ones I loved, and part of me wanted to DNF them. So, why didn’t I? Good question, in our reading community, we all often … Continue reading

Let’s Just Chat: Just a chance to get my words going

Hey Bookworms! I dunno what this post is going to be about or even if it will go up. I just miss you all and wanted to talk. I know this would be better to go on social media with this but I dunno I wanted to make my blog a little more personal. I have a few things on my mind. I really want this year to be a year of growth. A year to impact others. Whether it’s in my personal life or on here. The internet the void where people go to feel like there a part of something different. This is where you can see that you are not alone.

 

I honestly have no idea where this is going, but as much as 2017 was an adventure it did have some rough parts. Family stuff, feeling a lack of growth in my job, taking a risk by trying my relationship again. The things I learned from my roughest years of 2015-to the beginning of 2017 is I can’t live my life wondering what if? My biggest struggle with these realization is not knowing where or even how to begin to start my research.

 

I think that has always been my struggle. RESEARCH. It is hard to implement for me in writing and to keep focused on it. I want to prove to the world that my disability isn’t a huge part of me only a faction. This is why I’ve got it in my head that I need a job where I can leave my mark. I want it to be in my writing but we all need a day job too right?

I want to read and find myself lost in words again. I also want to have words spill out of me again. As much as I want to finish my “Pack’s” story maybe it’s time to pull out someone else’s voice until I can hear there’s again. This isn’t writing block for me anymore, it’s deafening silence and it unsettles me.

I think my mind, creative soul, and heart needs something new to grow. I want to figure out a way to get to Vancouver, Canada. I am gonna bring a notebook for my Birthday Trip in March. I am going to see what the world whispers to me.

I don’t want to feel lost again, I am determined to start finding my path again. Adventure coaxing words and ideas out of me again. I feel everyday I feel closer to finding myself again and becoming the person I need to be.

Is anyone trying to find themselves again this year, or trying to find a way to plan your newest route? Anyone moved to a new country? Anyone feel like you need to break free of the mold people place on you? Let me know in the comments down below as much as I am here to talk, I am also here to listen. Happy Reading!

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Book Talk: Trying to Beat A Slump and Finding a Hated Trope Instead

Hey bookworms! I know I posted a post last night, but I figured since I can’t stop thinking for the moment I should put that energy to good use. Now if you read my post it was talking generally about … Continue reading